You Are Having an Urge.
You do not have to act on it. Do not spend the next several minutes debating with yourself. Follow the steps below.
1. Move Away From the Opportunity
Get up. Move away from the device. Leave the room if necessary. Put your phone somewhere visible to other people. If you are in bed, get out of bed. Change your environment immediately.
2. Delay the Decision for 15 Minutes
Tell yourself: “I am not making this decision right now. I will wait 15 minutes.”
3. Identify the Trigger
What happened immediately before the urge?
4. Identify the Thought
“I need this.” “I can’t stand this.” “Just one look.” “I deserve it.” “Nobody will know.” “It doesn’t matter.” “I already failed anyway.”
5. Challenge the Thought
“I need it.”
You may strongly want it. Wanting something is not the same as needing it.
“I can’t stand this urge.”
The urge may be very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable does not mean unbearable.
“Just one look.”
You already know where that thought can lead. You do not have to test yourself.
“I already failed.”
One past behavior does not require another one. You can stop the sequence now.
6. Choose a Competing Action
7. Let the Urge Rise and Fall
An urge can feel urgent without requiring action. Your goal is not “I must feel no temptation.” Your goal is: “I can experience temptation without obeying it.”
8. Think 30 Minutes Ahead
Ask yourself: If I view pornography now, how am I likely to feel 30 minutes from now? If I refuse the urge now, how am I likely to feel 30 minutes from now?
You Only Have to Make the Next Good Decision
Get through this urge. Then make the next good decision.